So a couple of years ago a photographer in town visited my apartment. I wasn’t living in the apartment I currently am, but she was captivated enough by my personal style back then to want to photograph my place and me as a lifestyle shoot. I promised her that I would let her be the one to get the first taste of my love for interior design on her camera through her own lensed process and style.
“My people will abide in a peaceful habitation, in secure dwellings, and in quiet resting places.” Isaiah 32:18
Now about two-point-five years later, when I have surprisingly had to turn down a few photographers that have asked to photograph me in my home, I managed to stick to my guns, and in my loyalty still only had Wingtips Photography in mind for the first complete look into my space.
The photographs that she took are nothing but personal insights of beauty. They are each unique and captivating. Her work inspires me in colour and in emotion. The photographer herself, Rachel Senneker, is this tiny, bold, witty, sweet-willed woman. I was pretty enraptured myself by her when I first moved here. She was so comfortable with herself and what she wanted that I’ve always wanted to do with her life in any capacity. She has such depth in her struggles, and is always fighting for the better in her life through the Lord. I wanted her presence to breathe a little of that onto my own life. Her faith and dedication to finding the gold in life has always attracted me to want more of what she finds through her relationship with God in my own life. I pray in the future that I get to work and grow alongside her more often.
My favourite thing about my home is the light and interest it’s brought unto those who have come to visit. I always forget how different and eclectic it must be to everyone, so I never really think about how overwhelming it could be to take in the colours, textures and character of the apartment all at once. My style dictates a space that will not dull my senses, but inspires me in my creative work with how I’ve placed things in the compositional space that was available to me. Most of it has function. Maybe not for one person, because in the end, it’s really not possible for my butt to take up like 6 seating places…but it was meant for community. It’s such a funny lay-out, that I’ve had to play around a lot lot in order to get it to a suitable position for guests. A lot of my friends have poked fun at the amount of time I spend just rearranging furniture. In a way though, I’ve managed to do it unto the Lord and it’s become a new way to worship Him. I’ve always wanted a space that people felt welcome to come and visit.
My home is a place of sanctuary for me. Lately, it’s where I’ve been able to come to spend time away with the Lord, to hear what he has to say about what’s going on in my life. But, it hasn’t always been that way. Even shortly after these photos were taken about two months ago, Satan wanted to try and distort the goodness that came out of my home. He would correlate being at home with negative emotions and awfully vivid illustrations that made me want to spend every minute away from my apartment that I could. That’s when I had to go straight up battle mode on what was taking place.
I am not a depressed person. I am extremely motivated to live in the joy of the Lord and know that my inheritance allows me to expect this out of my relationship with Him. So when things are off in my soul, I start to question it. I start to practice the gift of self-awareness and ask Him what’s happening. I also invite wise counsel into my life. Satan wants you to question your identity, so he’s going to try and cut you off from those around you who want to help speak the Lord’s living waters into your heart. In my case, I call my mother and explain the thoughts and feelings that have surrounded my day. I’ve been blessed enough to have a mother who is very knowledgeable in this area specifically, so if you don’t have that available to you, I urge you to search some out. It may seem scary and irrational to bring to the people of faith in your life, but at the end of the day, if they care about your life, truly, t
hey will fight against this with you. And if they think you’re insane, you should find new people. That sounds harsh.. I’m not telling you to drop them completely out of your life, but I’m asking you if it even makes sense to be around people who don’t understand you and what you’re going through, and who aren’t pushing you to live in the Christ-like identity you’ve been given. Community in these days also has to look like comradery: the willingness to fight alongside your brother and sister in Christ, even when things look bleak. That said, do NOT isolate yourself. The gift of the Lord is in the balance between personal solitude and being able to do life along side others. I’m giving you a lot of do’s and don’ts, but that’s because I want you to live through this. Because I care about you and that destiny that God has laid out in front of you.
Home spiritual warfare is a thing, and it’s something you have to fight against in order to get your nurturing space back. This life is a battle and we were called to fight for our lives so that we may shine like victors to those around us. When things like this are happening in your life, it’s probably an indication that Satan sees you as a threat. You are winning with the Lord, and he wants to take you out. His goal is to kill us, after all. It isn’t just a dramatic statement. It’s wildly true.
There were days when I would be completely okay, but as soon as I stepped foot into my apartment
building, walking up the stairs to get to my home, I’d have these crazy intense visual suggestions about taking a knife to my wrists. Again. I am not depressed. As soon as this started I recognized that these thoughts were not my own, and started speaking in tongues, and if that wasn’t enough I’d call my mom to help pray me through it. Speaking in tongues is something that not every Christian believes in, but I am telling you it helped save my life. So believe it or not, but I’m still here because of the spiritual gifts that God made available to not only me, but everyone. It is written: Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. Roman’s 8:16
Our Prince of Peace has come to give us much more than we could imagine in our victory against the devil. That’s only one of the unimaginable things that started happening to me as I drew closer and still draw closer in my relationship with the Lord in the secret place within my household. I’m not telling you any of this to wish it into your own experiences as you walk deeper with the Lord, but I do want you to be equipped in the future if this starts to happen to you.
“A thief is only there to steal and kill and destroy. I came so they can have real and eternal life, more and better life than they ever dreamed of.” John 10:10
Here is a prayer you can start with over your household if you really don’t know where to start. Invite Jesus in, and ask Him to become the leadership in your household, and He WILL take care of the rest.
“Lord thank you for this beautiful life you’ve given me. Thank you that you have always provided me with perfect sanctuary to be blessed in your name, and to have an opportunity to bless others. Lord, in that, I ask that you come and reside within my earthly foundation. I ask that you protect this household and all the souls that live within it’s walls. I ask that you make this home an overwhelming well of peace for anyone who walks through it. Lord, I ask that this household would become laced in the weapons of your Word, that the enemy couldn’t reach even a floorboard that makes up this household. I pray that you teach me to become a general within the war that is being waged within the spiritual world. I ask that you would make this house an impenetrable battle front, that any evil that tries to pass through would be taken down at the thought of coming near here. Thank you Jesus for your goodness, thank you that in your Word it says “Because you have made the Lord your dwelling place— the Most High, who is my refuge— no evil shall be allowed to befall you, no plague come near your tent. For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways.” (Psalms 91: 9-11) I pray all this into fruition in the name of Jesus, Amen. “
Obviously you can change this up to fit your own way of communicating with the Lord, but it’s just a stepping stone to helping you take back the space that He has asked you to dedicate in His name, so that you may live in peace.
At the end of December I had a nightmare. I am not usually someone who has dreams of any kind. I sleep like a rock, and don’t usually remember anything that goes on during those blissful hours of sloth-like wonder. My desires for this to change in my life has occurred as my relationship with God has been strengthened in obedience to Him. I now actually pray to have a vivid dreaming life, full of illustrations and visions of what is happening in my King’s heart. So perhaps this was an opening to that. With that I do warn you that Satan will try and tempt and twist anything that you ask from the Lord into something that you will think that He isn’t working through in your life.
“This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. If we claim to have fellowship with him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live out the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin. If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” 1 John: 5-9
Background to this event taking place, there was trouble in paradise within the relationship I had with my boyfriend at the time. I had just come to him in honesty about feelings I had held onto from a pervious relationship/friendship that had resurfaced and told him I had finally decided to give them over to the Lord before coming to him that evening. We were going through lots of ups and downs, which I felt were mostly attributed to me and this situation. I actually drove 2.5 hours, back to the city early from holidays, because I needed to tell him in person right away. Holding onto those feelings was wrong, and I should have submitted them to the Lord months prior, but in my pride and sensitivity to this new relationship I had allowed myself to stew in old comforts I wanted to hold onto.
In this previous relationship I had developed a soul tie with someone (we were not living for the Lord, and had a really intimate relationship outside of marriage), and whom I had reconnected with over the summer. He had broken up with me two years preceding, and we had not seen or talked to each other since. I thought I had dealt with the feelings, gotten over the relationship and moved on. Really all I had done was push the tie down and told myself I had moved on. When he asked to have coffee that summer to apologize for how everything went down, I thought it was amazing. I thought it was God restoring a friendship in my life. In a way it was a blessing, because I have now cut that soul-tie and it no longer plagues my life, and I’m able to think of that person and not feel or think anything towards them except the warmth of what Jesus has planned for them in their life (praise Jesus). But it had not actually done anything good for my next relationship, this false sense of reconciliation in my past. Anyways, so this new boyfriend felt very insecure after I told him about all of this and even though I had submitted it to God, he lost a lot of trust in me that evening. He asked for a week to himself, as a time out, to think about if this relationship was something we should really consider pursuing any longer. At the time, I told him it was fine with me, that I shouldn’t have expected anything different, and that I would wait for his decision.
That was the the night. The worst nightmare of my life. I fell asleep thinking that I was alright, sucking up my hurt from the separation between me and my current companion and trying to place it all in God’s hands instead. In the dream I was in my apartment, and another ex-boyfriend (I really hope that when you think about dating so freely, you take in how uninteresting it is to have a list like mine, save yourself for the one, God will reward you for the wait) knocked at my door. I let him in, because he was familiar and I was used to his presence. He then raped me. I didn’t say anything in the dream, I just let it happen. I woke up thinking that it was my fault what happened in the dream because of my passivity.
“This is why it is said: ‘Wake up, sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.’” Ephesians 5:14
I didn’t have anyone to talk to about the dream. I felt ashamed, and even later that day, when my boyfriend started to talk to me again, I only told him because I felt like it was like lying to him if I kept it hidden in my heart. What I realized God was asking me to do later on, was to rely solely on Him. He wanted me, all of me. I then decided to ask God into the situation, and asked Him to make something beautiful out of the darkness. He willed me to paint.
Creating light out of a dark event isn’t the same as using the darkness to create something that continually reminds you of the trauma you have just experienced. If you write a song, draw a picture, take a photograph that explains all of the angst you just experienced you will likely only be able to make people feel all the negative emotions you felt through that experience. This might initially make you and them feel better, in connecting you to one another, because you have both felt the same things, but it has no lasting fruit. You aren’t showing them what is good. You aren’t showing them how God has worked through that situation in your heart.
Your identity is in Christ. You are not doing it alone. You get to invite Him into every dark crevice to light the way. Whatever He touches will not be able to hide from the love and light that He has to offer. I made a decision that morning to create in light of the love I’ve received from the One most high. He showed me a picture of a girl who has been hiding amongst the flowers, His beloved. He wanted to take me out of that trauma, and He wanted to walk alongside me in the wonder of beauty that has come out of my interest in Him.
Honouring God in our work by focusing on the good is not a naive way of thinking. It lines up with the idea of finding our fulfillment in Him, and Him alone, and it leads others into that salvation as well. It does not meditate on what you have done, or what the sin, and darkness of the earth has done to you. It shines a beam to the way of life. The only way of life.
“The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.” John 1:5
I follow quite a few designers over social media, so I can gather insight from as many places as possible. Most are really great at sharing their techniques and process updates of their art.
One in particular I quite enjoy is Joshua Redmond. He is from Dayton, Ohio and runs under the titles of graphic designer, screen printer, and hand letterer. Joshua also founded the R&W Co., which is a handcrafted design and fashion brand made in the USA. I have yet to get any of their product, but would love to someday.
On his artist account, Joshua started posting these vintage paintings that he would revamp and put typography over to to spruce up and add a more modern twist, making the old $1 painting worth over $60 in a few stylistic brush strokes. Getting super inspired by this, I decided to take a spin on it myself.
My first image was done with an old print a friend fished out of the dumpster for me. Literally. I decided to pick a phrase that I felt was appropriate with the imagery that was already in the composition. The quote I chose was, “Wherever you are, be all there.”, which is a phrase we can all stand to live by. With the impending technology apocalypse that has plagued our society, we all live by the love of our followers. I think it’s a beautiful thing to tune that out for hours at a time, to be present with the people you are with. Even on your own setting down your technology to just exist, breathe, read, drink coffee, and pray for a while, can be so intoxicatingly calming. If you don’t believe me just try it!
The latest one that I’ve done was a theme that resonates within my very bones, haunting me daily. My personality is that of one who does not like to let things go. I find it hard to let people go, let go of secure circumstances, and even the emotional hits that I might take throughout my day. So naturally my next phrase had to be “Let go”. In my process for these guys, I didn’t use much for reference. I ended up free-handing it with a small to medium sized brush and white acrylic paint. Because of the darkness and, or texture of the original print/painting the surface is too hard to mark out preordained type on. It’s mostly a wing-it-and-we’ll-see-what-happens kind of project. Lots of practice takes place, and some whole pieces have to be thrown out. Luckily the canvases cost only up to $5 at the thrift store, and you always get to begin with a new and exciting composition.
“Let God have your life; He can do more with it than you can.” Dwight L. Moody
Now about two-point-five years later, when I have surprisingly had to turn down a few photographers that have asked to photograph me in my home, I managed to stick to my guns, and in my loyalty still only had Wingtips Photography in mind for the first complete look into my space.
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building, walking up the stairs to get to my home, I’d have these crazy intense visual suggestions about taking a knife to my wrists. Again. I am not depressed. As soon as this started I recognized that these thoughts were not my own, and started speaking in tongues, and if that wasn’t enough I’d call my mom to help pray me through it. Speaking in tongues is something that not every Christian believes in, but I am telling you it helped save my life. So believe it or not, but I’m still here because of the spiritual gifts that God made available to not only me, but everyone. It is written: Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. Roman’s 8:16
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